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Liberated from evil

Free 2 B

Sunday, June 25, 2006


You see a pair of laughing eyes and suddenly you realize...

the other night i had an inspiring moment that almost had all that. i found myself unexpectedly sitting on a pier on the Hudson with pounding disco below and yet the stillness of the river all around and actually looking into a pair of laughing eyes, followed by an amazing sense of absolute bliss, but at the same time feeling totally detatched because I knew it was all an illusion. But i am the ultimate Blanche: "i don't want realism, I want magic.." Life is but of a series fleeting moments and every now and then there is a blissful one and this was a indeed good one. the trick is to not believe there is a way to prolong or extend a moment, it is after all just a moment, and i for one am filled with gratitude that life still has some of those to offer me.
I want to dance and feel that special warmth of love while i twirl like Ginger in Fred's arms on a shiny floor of an ocean liner on its way to nowhere.

posted by svaka  # 9:09 PM
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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Many things going on, not all of which I am ashamed (!), work is in a strange place and the higher edu levels are indeed being questioned and I went ahead and applied for a new job. This is somewhat emotional as I like the people I work with but not so sure about the new management... I am however a bit ashamed of my flimsy affair, but amply punished with my back totally out so now I look like a jack-knife and am a subject of ridicule. However illness is indeed a metaphor and lying on my floor in a steamy apartment for 3 days is a humbling experience, now I wonder if I shouldn't get a steady BF after all since being alone and picturing various scenarios of being dead for days and half-eaten by cats may not be such a good option... I did go on a date and it was a dismal experience (my first in 18 months), the guy got shitfaced drunk and whined about his ex wife and stuck me with the bill, ugh. And to make things worse I seem to have gained back all the weight I lost, double yuck.
thank god for World Cup it is the only thing that has gotten me through this awful week (did I mention I lost at poker last week?), I love the beautiful men of soccer and even put up with 200 drunk chezcks (sp?) at a bar in Queens last Saturday (while quietly cheering for the Italians) just to get a break.
I really can't take any more humiliation, enough is enough! I need to re-focus and get myself back into the right groove somehow.
I saw this very sad documentary on children dying of cancer and suddenly feel like perhaps my family is where I should be... One good thing is the discovery of how well muscle relaxants go with alcohol, the warning label was a sure clue: may cause drowsiness if taken with alcohol.... mmmm

posted by svaka  # 12:04 AM
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Sunday, June 11, 2006


The Devil you know...
Update on the Ivy league: the very bad change in management has changed again! The bad choice woman was unceremoniously escorted out along with her husband and now we are in free-fall as far as getting things done is concerned, this is bad news for my and my job as nothing will get done for a while wich seriously undermines my boss's confidence in my abilities, ugh. But it really is true: What goes around comes around, I hope she is crying! But I also feel terrible for all the good people she so callously got rid of. My own department management has also changed, all my favorite people are gone and I don't know where I stand anymore.

on the flip side of change: my own life has improves a great deal!!! I met a really fun guy at a party who has energy and stamina I haven't encountered in years! WOW. Although he is not "my type" he makes me laugh and feels oh so good. Also an old college boyfriend is coming to town soon and we always have a great time rekindling and strolling down memory lane in more ways than one...
to further emphasize change I tore down a wall in my apartment when my roommate moved out, and now have a great big bedroom. Of course as with any construction (hell) nothing worked as planned: the paint was splattered all over the place, the dust will take a year to clear up and the new floor buckled and was subsequently nailed down (!!) and the new screen popped out of the window as it turns out it wasn't new but a used one that didn't quite fit... I hate my super with passion but don't have much of a choice so I just try to get along. Now I am waiting to have money to buy a bed and a closet so that I can move in, maybe next month...

I made $50 in poker last week!

posted by svaka  # 10:27 PM
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