Feeling a bit unhinged somehow, can't concentrate on anything and have trouble remembering basic things. the monotony of unemployment is really getting to me i think. all days are alike and seem to blend in to each other, i try to keep to a saturday cleaning schedule but since saturday is no longer any different from a wednesday it doesn't work.
it is finally cold outside and all the leaves are positively leaping off the trees, in fact one tree dumped almost all of its leaves right on me all at once, it was eerie, like someone pulled a cord. should i take this personally, is nature attacking me?
Trying to get ready for my trip to Amsterdam, but don't know what to bring, can't imagine what it is like there this time of year. I check a live web cam from there sometimes and it just seems very dark and rainy, but it could just be because of the time difference. everyone keeps telling me where to get hashish or mushrooms, but that holds little interest for me, so i guess museums and bars will probably be the places for us to go to. sort of mundane but hopefully nice.
We threw away some old filing cabinets the other day, and i was struck by how sad furniture always looks when left out on the street. the lonesome faithful chair worn down from years of someone sitting in it, just seemed so lost somehow. it reminded me of a story i read as a small child about a little christmas tree that was so thrilled to be all decorated and adored and then felt so sad when it was tossed out after the holidays were over, it kept hoping to be brought back in and be restored to its former glory, but instead slowly realized it was all used up and only death was waiting. i never have a christmas tree, i can't bear it.
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