Not working, being idle, slacker supreme, I love it. I never want to go to work again. I have discovered so many new things during the past almost 2 months and feel strongly that there is much more to be found. The days slip away in some incomprehensible way and yet I am always busy. Besides just ambling around the city on my daily constitutionals (did 80 blocks yesterday) and cocktails at the Boathouse in Central Park, or Circa Tabac or Bar & Books (all smoking allowed establishments!) I spend a lot of time reading, thinking about sex, dancing around my apartment to newly found music, thinking about sex, chatting with friends, thinking about sex, writing letters, thinking about sex, watching a great deal of TV, thinking about sex and sometimes even actually having some.
At times the minutiae of the daily-ness of life really gets to me. There is an overwhelming onslaught of little moments all over the place. I feel like a camera constantly taking snapshots, which will never be developed or never looked at if they were to be developed. On the 6 train 2 people happily fell asleep next to me, I felt like a book on a shelf with 2 bookends, an Asian girl and a black man, it was very cute and the other passengers made fun of me, until I offered my seat to an older lady and the 2 sleepers fell on each other as I stood up. I felt a twinge of betrayal as they were so surprised, but what was I to do?
The girl crying on the street all by herself, just like I once was. The man steeped in guilt stepping out of an apartment building in the afternoon looking around like he just left his mistress as he puts his wedding ring back on, I know that look I used to be the mistress. The old ladies in the park with their dogs in little outfits, maybe I’ll be one of them some day. The beautiful Ethiopians and Arabs working at A&V, trying to figure out what the horrible UES people are all about. Oh the rudeness, I can’t get over how nasty people are. Of course I can rarely resist saying nasty things when people are being horrid. There was this extra nasty fat ugly loud woman who demanded something stupid at the prepared food counter yelling and bitching, then turned to me and said: “Can you believe how insulting these people are..” to which I could only respond with: “no, what is insulting is you in those shorts…” I guess I have to watch myself, I could get into trouble.
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