Liberated from evil

Give me chastity and continence-but not yet...(Saint Augustine)

Well, well, well life is indeed a strange and un-marked path. Against all odds I am now gainfully employed, at least for the next 12 weeks (unless I screw up), and here is the kicker: I am still being considered for another gig!!! and her Oneness now owes me several days of hard labor. Things are looking up, just as I was staring at the bottom of the barrel (wondering what was hidden under the last layer) here I am reporting for duty on Monday in heels and 'nice pants' the new DRAGON LADY of my old workplace, different division, but nonetheless in a position to make my old tormentors' lives hell (yay). Revenge is a sweet temptation and I wonder if I'll give in (duh), but oh how good it is.
So I had this interview that I thought went kind of badly. I was 10 minutes late due to being stuck on the B train for 15 minutes and then another 10 waiting to get through security. During the interview I suddenly realized I was chewing gum (!) and then my mind went blank when they asked if I had any questions (ugh). But 2 hours later they called me and offered me the gig for more money than I had originally requested (!) All very strange, but what the hell, I am a crack ho' so sure I took it. Meanwhile the interview I had the day before, and which seemed to go better, has only yielded a nice note. So I have no idea if they will meet my requirements, but I can't afford to wait, so here I am EMPLOYED!!!!

After spending a year getting up super early every morning, I now find myself not being able to open my eyes before 9:00!!! Go figure! So now I am practicing, figure I have to get up at 6:30 in order to walk to Midtown and be there at 8:45, as I won't be taking any chances with the train again (yikes). So no partying this weekend, no staying up late, no nothing.

Her Oneness had a lovely Thxgiving with her 'friends' and family such as it is (paid to come) and her new love interest, who seems to actually be somewhat normal. We don't think it even remotely possible that she can keep up the 'nice girl' act she is pulling, as it is more than obvious how she is straining to not bark out orders to the minions, in front of her. Meanwhile she has decided to keep P for the moment and he is very grateful, but I caution him to get too cushy again. She is vicious and vindictive so who knows what she will do once her new girlfriend fires her, which she will do once she sees how inane and ridiculous she is (bbrrrr). I have already written 6 chapters of my 'revenge on the megabitch' book and will soon be looking for a publisher, and if not I'll just blog it. All the juicy details and all the horrors rolled into one (!)

It is winter again and I managed to ignore TXgivin' again and didn't even have to go away! Spent 3 days with my precious Charlie just lounging, eating 'Asian food' (Chinese, Pan-Asian, and Thai) and watching DVDs and one 'real' movie. Yes I agreed to see Alexander much against my better judgment, and it was truly awful. Not even campy or anything but really really really bad. It is truly amazing that anyone could actually spend 150 million $ on this drivel. I took 2 naps, but still felt like it was 6 hours long. My baby owes me big time now and I will be cashing in, in a few years.... (he will have to take care of me on my dotage).

Right now life is good and I feel happy, the straight and narrow has me falling off the edges here and there but basically things are good. Now if I could only change my terrible luck at Poker...
:-)

Everybody CanCan (from the Molin Rouge soundtrack)

Great day today. Beautiful weather, meandering around Central Park with a dear friend who just returned to the fold, then off to a movie (Sideways) and then the most wonderful message: "Are you available for an interview.." YAY! Things are indeed looking up. I have applied for gazillion jobs but have few feedbacks, so this is a step in the right direction. And we have a game tomorrow. I am a happy camper.

Last night I saw The Machinist (which was excellent in a bleak dreary sort of way) and then went home and had many 'welcome back' drinks with my friend. So in spite of a hangover and my mouth feeling a bit like it was fur-lined (ugh) I just knew this would be a good day. Also makes me realize how many crappy boring days I've been having lately.

I still have some work to do for Her Oneness, but feel less than motivated now that we have all been fired. I was however glad to see her 4 new wall lights unpacked and they are even uglier than the first 2. It is always a form of relief to know that money can never buy class, she will always be trash no matter what.

I want to have some fun now!

Baby, baby I wanna know, should I stay or should I go….

This blog is about perceptions. Do we ever REALLY know another person, or even ourselves?
So many times you hear people say, or say yourself “If I was him/her I would have done…” or “faced with this dilemma I would..” But do we ever really know? Someone asked me today what I would do in a certain situation, and while I instantly started to say something I cut myself short and thought, I really have no idea what I would do as I have never been in that particular circumstance..
Then there are the misconceptions one has of others as well as those others have of you. In a way every person has several facets or sides and several roles to play but is any one more dominant then another? Where is the true identity? Some people think I am self involved and some think I care too much for others. But I am so many different things: a loving daughter, supportive sister, true friend, sex object, diligent worker, dragon lady, lazy couch potato, avid reader, competitive squash player, romantic girl, cheating girlfriend, weepy movie watcher, emotional ice queen, addiction to some and poison to others. Sometimes it is difficult to know what to do at any given time. And sometimes it is clear as day. Know thyself is the guideline here, but I still have to wonder, who am I and what does it all mean?

I have way too much time on my hands, I have to get a job!!!!

What is it all about... (Alfie)

Easing into my newly conformed life is not as easy as I thought. Temptation is everywhere constantly offering a refuge from the straight and narrow. I got busy, I cleaned my room, put away summer things and dusted off my winter shoes, the went through months of mail and got ready to shred, but the shredder was on the blink, then I went out to see a friend who needs to meet a woman. A situation I want to supervise as he is a sweet wonderful man and needs some hand-holding. At the bar we ran into some other friends unexpectedly and next thing I knew we consumed about 150 drinks each and I was making out with someone I shouldn't be doing that with. Luckily I came to my senses just in time and hightailed it out of there. While I was waiting for the subway a very daring rodent (rat) ran across the platform only to suddenly flip over and drop dead. It was the weirdest thing, it just flipped in the air and died. Unless it was just pretending...

Lat week I was walking up CPW and happened to notice that the old Mayflower hotel was having a sale. I went inside and then rode the elevator up to the 17th floor and decided to walk down to see what was for sale. It was odd to walk from floor to floor (to 6th) and look into gazillion rooms, all strangely abandoned. A Russian woman kept following me carrying 2 table lamps looking for shades. After a while I stopped noticing the bad art and the ugly furniture and instead looked at the rooms, the unmade beds that had probably seen a thing or two, worn chairs and very ugly carpeting. I imagined so many stories that I lost track of time. The whole building is about to be torn down, it was all very sad somehow. The huge kitchen and the broken plates on the floor reminded me of a video game for some reason.

I started to write a book about her Oneness, I get into a groove and write several pages and then I feel all drained and blank, sort of like sex I suppose. I don't know if this will go anywhere but I think it is worth a try. Heard of an agent who might be interested in this type of stuff (!)

I ran out of Florida cigarettes and am now smoking the new NY kind that goes out the moment you put them down, it is soooo annoying, I finally had to reactivate my Zippo (which had been peacefully put to rest) because I ran out of matches. I am waiting for the up-state Indians to deliver.

I went to see Alfie with my best boy Charlie today, it was surprisingly sweet, I don't know how they got away not having the traditional 'Happy Ending', I liked that part the best, but the soundtrack was pretty awful. Charlie is jealous of Jude Lawe, seems 'the love of his life' (Natalie)likes him a little too much. He is looking forward to telling her he is an unreliable cad, altho he was taking notes for future use... Oh the agony of teenagehood, I wish I could keep him all safe and happy forever but I did tell him that it does indeed get easier with time, or at least it does for some people. It is so phony to tell him this stupid cliche stuff, like telling someone who is in some terrible grief that this too shall pass (but it is true), I just don't know what else I can say. We decided to spend Thxgivin together again, and see lots of movies and eat Chinese food, I am so glad we are of the same mind on this weird holiday. In the past I either went away or just ignored it as it means nothing to me (weird foreigner) although I was roped into a traditional thing a couple of times, I hated it because I never like to look at lots of food and turkey does not appeal to me ever (ugh). Another good reason to never date American men again, at least not this time of year.

"Whoooaahhh I could write a book about you.." (Homeless man catching my arm as I slipped on the curb on 43rd and Bway.)

I pounded the pavement today looking for a job, the pounding was actually seeing 2 people who could make referrals, but it took me on foot from 34th street to 50th and then on to Her Oneness's place where I 'cleaned up' the computer.

This has been a strange week, I misbehaved grossly on several occasions and now think a little 'time-out' may be in order. It is cold and gloriously nice outside and so cozy and warm to be inside. I returned to my regular winter bar and the bartender was mad at me for staying away for months, I had to give him a $20 tip to be welcomed back into the fold (he will be ordering my regular vodka again now).

Generally I don't start Lent until January (my own version) but I think I may start a little early this year. It is just so hard to resist temptation, especially when it comes in the form of someone so much like me (bad news person). AY AY AY. But I will not go slipping and sliding down that trail again so hello Lent here I come. I need to focus on getting a job now and get out the Oneness world.

Yesterday a box arrived from Italy containing 4 hideous glass wall lights (sconces?) which cost more than 5 months of P's rent, which felt especially bitter now that she is kicking him out into the streets because she "is spending too much money in NYC" according to the Personal Assistant. He has nowhere to go and is devastated but her Oneness couldn't care less, she needs to move on with her plans to try to be accepted by the inner circles of Academia at an Ivy League (as if).

Her Oneness seems to have now locked her precious library of rare books (all collected within the last 2 years! and never opened.) fearing that we might steal something, ugh, but of course I have spare keys (duh). Not that I would ever do such a thing and it is insulting she would actually think so, but her entire being and existence is insulting. She is certainly not the brightest bulb on the tree even at the best of times so what can I say.

Cheers, here's to new beginnings!

Her name was L(s)ola she was a showgirl....

Oh the samba beat, how sweet it is. I just spent a few days with my dear friend and mentor from sunny Rio but this time in the noble city of Tallahassee Florida. There is nothing better than re-connecting with loved ones and to have the luxury of idling while doing so. Of course it was great to get away for many different reasons (election results, losing my job etc) but how sweet it is to just be elsewhere and be happy.

Florida once again proved to be the armpit of the universe and I hardly left the hotel room as there is absolutely nothing to do there at all. Several hotel employees however expressed certain longings to escape and in a way I think of Florida like a huge Guatamo Bay and totally understand any desire to leave.

Her Oneness as it seems has indeed fired everyone and is starting over once again with a new crew without the slightest regard as to how these irrational decisions may affect people. I must say I do admire her seemingly unlimited faith in constantly starting over and in a way she is a lot like the rest of us. Of course she lacks the self-awareness that most people are burdened with, but in a way I feel sorry for her. She has more money than anyone should ever have, but she seems like a lost soul. She never reads books, doesn't listen to music, her art is the kind a newly rich person buys for investments, she has no friends and she never seems to have fun, rather she is constancy worried about people stealing from her (!) as if anyone would want her crap!!!! I would be hard pressed to find even a street person who would want to own anything of hers (the most hideous antique stuff you can imagine). I guess when you spend so much money on this shit it may seem like precious stuff (36.000 euros for 8 glasses, 2 small light fixtures, 2 candlestick hoders and one small bowl, all too hideous for words!). but the fact is that she is an impulse shopper and gets taken advantage of all the time (serves her right).

The word is out that we should all be 'professional' and go on with our work and maintain a good impression! (duh) I don't think so!
She thinks she has finally found love, but since she thinks everything has a price I know it won't last, she will always be the loser trash she is and nothing will ever change that.

Well I guess that makes me a super-loser but I still think I am a million times better of that she is. All the botox and peels and face lifts in the world will never make her attractive because she is a truly ugly person.

As for me, hmm things are up in the air. I may go home for a month or two or I may get a job with some horrid corporation here to pay the bills. Back to free-fall!!! wheeeeeeeee

The runway of our non-affair (The one and only Serge).

Her Oneness fired me today!!!! Or rather her long-suffering PA (Personal Assistant). "Uhm, everyone is going to get laid off... soon" "Her new financial advisor thinks she is spending too much on you..."
Oh well, it was a good ride and I have certainly learned a great deal about how the other half lives so I am not very sorry. Just have to redouble my lame efforts to find a job (ugh). Guess it will be some horrible temp thing with an evil drug company where I can answer phones and not sleep at night...

Luckily I hadn't paid for my ticket to Istanbul yet so I was able to cancel so now I will hunker down and conserve my meager earnings until I get something going on. I could see this coming a mile away while I was in Mass and saw the new assistant (oh Eve little Eve from all about Eve comes to mind). Her Oneness has hired yet another driver to be her best friend (total twit) and he treated the current PA very badly (Nice job you have done here..) so it was obvious what was coming. Oh well another day in the lives of the rich and famous, who cares how many people lose their jobs, or their homes. Life goes on.
I need to get a job now!
I have it on good authority that the