Liberated from evil

Sunday
"cooootttccchhhiiieee coo..." a man talking to his dog as I walked by in the park thinking he was addressing me.

Misunderstandings are sometimes funny and sometimes just painful. A good friend once thought she spotted a guy, who had done her wrong, strolling down the street and decided right then and there that the time had come to "have a talk". She ran after him calling his name, getting more and more annoyed when he showed no signs of responding, in fact increacing his pace. She finally caught up with him only to realize it wasn't him at all, so in a split second, after seeing his face, she sprinted on, still calling out the name and chasing after no one, just escaping. On the serious side is of course the man who shot his daughter when she jumped out of a closet to scare him and he thought she was a burglar!

Me, I misunderstand a lot of things. I believe people are what they seem, I think "everything will be OK" , I believe people are basically good, I think men are dogs (but can't help it), I think movies are magic, I think sex is fabulous, I believe friends are trustworthy, I think life ultimately has to have some meaning. Yet I am proved wrong every day in one way or another, and yet I choose to believe. Life is filled with let-downs and misunderstanings and nothing is for granted, that I've learned, but I want to believe in second chances, and kindness and love. Love, not in the sense that the movies and poplar culture teach, but love of life and love of art and love of life. The idea that 2 people can somehow tailor themselves to be 'partners for life' without ever being themselves, or friends, or have anything in common is a misunderstanding. Fear does not a happy union make. Fear of lonliness, fear of life, fear of mistakes should not ever be a driving force, it leads to misunderstandings and troubles....
Happiness is fleeting but wonderful, not something to be aspired to as a constant state of mind, hey if you are always happy how would you even know? Besides you would probably be a heroin addict if that was the case...

Wednesday
"A pleasant experience is ahead: Don't pass it by..." (cautionary advice discovered in a fortune cookie).

I had to hide the comments i have received (thank you all) because some were way too personal. I still get them I just won't publish them so keep them coming. And please stop trying to guess who her herness is, you are all wrong besides I will never tell (!).

We have new visitors (from California) staying with us and I must say I always enjoy meeting new people and a chance to show them my New York. We are lucky indeed to have a guest room, where we can house friends and family of friends and various family members. I wish I'd kept a log of everyone who has come through here not to mention everyone who has taken my house keys with them when they left (!).

Tuesday
..."the night you can't remember is the night i can't forget.."
(yet more MF possibly repeating an earlier header but very apt)

oh yes we all have one or two of those...

so i started the new part-time-limited-time job and think i will really love it, i just hope they'll get funding and keep me once this stint is over. still doing for her herness but now that she is always here i work mostly from home. guess she is cranking out another great work of art to make her more millions of $$$, and keep us all living in the lap of luxury. speaking of which, i bought a new pair of excellent shoes and now go to work in high heels feeling and looking like a working girl!
our poker game is in trouble since people are being rather lax about showing up, but i did win $32 last week (yay). i think we have to find some new players in order to keep this going, but where, where? i ask every man i go on a date with and they just think i am nuts and only want them for their money!

my cat is getting really good at playing fetch now that i found her private playmouse stash. my roommate moved out and the other one is always in the road so we can really spread out, it is glorious to have space. not that i use it all that much but the sense of space is almost as important.

i am trying to set up a message box on this blog so let me know if you see it by trying it out.

"we are all outsiders, struggling to be a part of someone else's dream.." (something I heard through a brief nap while 'watching TV). I can only hope someone wants to be a part of my dream (life is but a dream).

This blog is about happiness.

I have spent a week with 3 of 4 of the most important people in my life: my brother, his girlfriend and their adorable child, 20 month old "Abalilly" (as she calls herself). There truly is nothing better than the presence of this wonderful tiny force of nature. She is one busy little bee and we are mere slaves under her command. We get up at 6 am to cater to her and pass out by 11pm, after a couple of drinksand small talk, (she goes to bed at 8pm). She is beautiful, manipulative and reduces everything else in life to nothing. I can't get over the thrill I feel when I see her fat little legs sprint away with her towards the unknown, she is brave and fearless and the little snores coming from her crib at night are is the sweetest sound I have ever heard. Her smile lights up my world and her tears, when things don't go her way, break my heart and her good night kisses melt my cold heart. I never knew such happiness could come in such a small package.

I did experience a different kind of happiness a couple of days before she arrived, but happiness nontheless. I was lying on a 'grassy knoll' in Central Park, gazing at a slate colored sky and trees in various stages of flowering (leafing?) and one dead one (thre are too many paralells going on here). Next to me was another source of happiness and for a brief moment I felt total peace and contentment. It got me thinking of how fleeting and rare these moments are and how precious and important. They are what everything else gets measured against, a yin and yang, but so many times there seems to never be a yin to the yang, maybe I just forget to pay attention to these little sparks, but these past 2 weeks have given me enough to balance out the whole year.
Oh and it seems I'll be gainfully employed as of next week, part-time, but I guess it will bring this blog to an end if it works out.
In the mean time, I am grateful and satisfied that life can be truly good and there really is a purpose hidden somewhere in all the crap that constitutes daily existence.