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Liberated from evil

Free 2 B

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Sunday:
("of course this is not real" overheard in the Egyptian wing at teh Met)

Yet another week gone by without a possiblity of a job. It is still the deep freeze and I only went for one long walk. I spent antoher day at the Met, roaming around aimlessly and finding peace in art. Had a date at the Met another day which was unusual and nice. I may have a gig to write a column for a newspaper in Iceland about life in New York. Not sure if I can do it, writing in Icelandic is difficult and nothing really ever happens to me these days so it would all have to be about politcs or something like that.
I saw some people from my old job at a party, it was weird, most were very nice but a couple wouldn't even look at me. I realized that i don't really care anymore, it is behind me so in a way this was a good experience.

I hit the middle of my non-drinking period, day 20!!! going well except for 1/2 a glass of champagne for a toast at the party. I am however totally bored with this and can't wait to go out again and get toasted!








posted by svaka  # 3:48 PM
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Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Tuesday:
Today is my birthday, which is always a cause of a great deal of mixed emotions. I think of the bdays of my childhood, which were pretty much fun-filled and wonderful, laced with impatience of having to wait a whole another year to be older. Now it is this day is laced with anxiety and fear and a superhuman effort to ignore facts. If you just don't think about it isn't happening!

Applying for more unavailable jobs and am seriously considering begging a horrible rich woman to let me join her ever-expanding, expendable staff to take care of the minutiae details so important to her life. She and her second in command constantly work with negative deadlines and the assumption that her minions operate through osmoses. But hey, I can deal with a bit of punishment, which seems only fitting for having slacked off for so long. UGH!

Saw 2 movies this week, Icelandic movie: Noi Albinoi (Noah the Albino) which was just wonderful and Monster which was surprisingly good. But overall a disappointing selection these days, even fewer reasons to leave my house. I sit around so much that my butt is getting totally flat and nasty. It is too cold to go for a walk and nothing compelling to pull me out.

Totally screwed up my non-smoking since I ran out of nicotine gum and the new supply hasn't arrived yet AND a friend gave me a carton of cigarettes! It is a conspiracy. Nicotine gum is ridiculously expensive here, $35 for 48 pieces (and I chew about 12 a day), in Iceland it is $20 for 84 pieces! I know I know, $35 is not much compared to the price of cigarettes, it is just seems like a lot all at once.

Life goes on.


posted by svaka  # 11:16 AM
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Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Monday:
Rats, I didn't get that last job either! It sounded so good and it was a great interview, but suddenly they don't need anyone anymore. I don't know what that means, except they possibly didn't like something about me or found someone better. I am trying not to take this personally (not easy at all).
Not drinking is going very well, not smoking not going so well... I allow myself 3-4 in the morning and one after midnight, but today I screwed up and smoked 8. I clearly need to get out more, if only it wasn't so darn cold. Brrr.

posted by svaka  # 1:42 AM
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Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Wednesday:
New year, new beginning? Nah it is just another day that blends into all other days, one year into another. The illusion of "New" didn't work this year. All quiet on the western front, or rather the UES. Had a nice date that lasted 3 days! Cozy to just lie around and do nothing with someone else for a change.
I have now started my annual Lent, 40 days without alcohol and cigarettes. So far this is the 3rd day and so far sort of good. I screwed up on the first day when I went on a stupid job interview and then to lunch with a friend and accidentally drank almost a whole glass of wine before I remembered I wasn't supposed to, yikes, I felt terribly guilty, but hey no harm done I am back in deprivation land.
I had a job interview on Monday which was total bullshit, they have no money and wanted to know if I would be willing to make 1/2 of what I used to make!!! I think not, jeez, the nerve! I then applied to another place for which I am totally qualified and they offered the same ridiculous salary! Is the job marked so bad that people are expected to live on $35,000 a year! in NYC!? It is totally insane. I am a professional and an adult, only someone in college being supported by their parents can hope to live on that.
I am pinning my hopes on another interview tomorrow, they at least sound more flexible. Just have to keep trying I guess. I am still thinking I may have to move to Europe to get a job.

I keep having revenge fantasy dreams about my former boss, I think it helps because I always feel so much happier when I wake up.






posted by svaka  # 12:35 PM
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